What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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