chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
