im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
