I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Mom said you looked used
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
