how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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