I don't think brook has ever known best
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize