he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best revenge is premature balding
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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