first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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