Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
