everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
