a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
