Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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