I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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