I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So many bounce houses so little time
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
