her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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