I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
