Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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