Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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