also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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