Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
