i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
