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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
