Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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