When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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