So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
