i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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