so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
