if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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