i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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