I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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