New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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