I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
