Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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