If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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