My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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