If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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