I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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