2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
