yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
