So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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