Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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