is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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