Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
