Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
