I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
