Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
...so i touched it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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