I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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