Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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