and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
