If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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