New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
