I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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