My nipple is on Facebook.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
