Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
