Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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