this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
