ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
