she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i came on her dog
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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