I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
