my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
