GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
