all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
