This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
