Moan for me like Helen Keller
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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