How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
