great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize