The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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