Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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