She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
