apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
