based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
