You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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