my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
