i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
