Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
