That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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