I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
