Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
