i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
