Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
